Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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