I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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