so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
