is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
