Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
