I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
