OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
