Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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