Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
