You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
there was a trapeze. enough said
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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