I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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