I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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