just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My feet surprised me
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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