Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
