I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
