Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
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becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just pee around me
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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