I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
