Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
how does that bad decision feel?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
