Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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