remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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