Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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