Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
