I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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