I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
