Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
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a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
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Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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