As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
