I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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