the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
