Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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