She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
