Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
