Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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