i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Someone shattered a urinal.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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