why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
