Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
