So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
false alarm, still single
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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