There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
