I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
