So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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