Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
