Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
