he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
