He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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