hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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