She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
love makes seman taste better
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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