Im at strip club and am horny
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
