Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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