another moral hangover. fuck.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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