sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
