Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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