yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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