i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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