i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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