shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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