My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
