Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
