I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
