You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
