What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
