The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
