Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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