So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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