I just made out with a guy for $7.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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