i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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